Inner Turmoil
by LastWarden
Summary: Naraku is dead, the jewel is whole, and Inuyasha has, yet again, gone out of his way to be with Kikyo. Will he see the error of his ways and pledge his love to Kagome? Or will Kag leave him for someone more appreciative?(used to be called Mixed Feelings)
1. Aftermath

BACKGROUND INFO: Inuyasha, Kagome, and company have just (and I mean just, as in hours ago) defeated Naraku. During the last adrenaline-filled moments of the battle, as Naraku's life force finally slipped away, Inuyasha, who had exhausted all of his strength, fell into unconsciousness.  
  
SETTING: When the scene opens at dusk on the gory battle site, which is littered with dismembered demon body parts, the sky glows a dark red- orange, reflecting the bloody field, as the top of the sun disappears beyond the horizon. Miroku sits on a tree stump, eyes closed and looking pensive, resting his chin on his hand; nearby, Sango, in full battle attire, leans against an old oak tree (one of about three that survived the carnage), her expression reflecting the need for sleep. Inuyasha is sprawled on the ground yards away, with Tetsusaiga laying idly in his limp right hand; Kagome kneels close to him with Shippo asleep in her arms, and her originally white and green school uniform is now unrecognizable, red and drenched with blood. Kikyo stands far off from them in her barely stained miko outfit, staring off into the sunset. (Anyone else who had been there for the battle has either left to tend their wounds elsewhere or is dead, buried among the remains of Naraku's army.)  
  
Disclaimer: As you are all aware of, the wonderful and brilliant Rumiko Takahashi retains all rights to the "InuYasha" characters. I own none of them (though Fluffy resides in my heart...) and do not wish to be sued, nor would it be beneficial to anyone to sue me, for I haven't any money. - " "means dialogue - * * will be used to denote thoughts  
  
"Ugh..." Finally awaking, the first sight to meet Inuyasha's bright golden eyes was a pair of dark brown ones. Brown eyes swimming with worry, relief, sadness, happiness, and, most of all, love.  
  
"Kagome..." He breathed.  
  
"Inuyasha! You're awake!" Kagome clapped her hands together and smiled softly, relief written all over her face. "I was so afraid," she whispered, tears welling up in her dark eyes. "I – I thought you might have – that I was going to – Oh Inuyasha!" Unable to put words to her fear, she abruptly flung her arms open and pulled Inuyasha into an awkward hug, dropping and waking Shippo in the process. Inuyasha laid motionless for a moment, eyes wide with surprise and a blush starting on his cheeks, until slowly wrapping his arms around her, returning the hug.  
  
Miroku opened his eyes, stared for a moment, jumped off the stump, and ran to meet his friends. Sango did the same, and they surrounded Inuyasha and Kagome's intertwined forms, jabbering excitedly about how happy they were that Inuyasha was all right and how worried they had been. Shippo rubbed his eyes sleepily and yawned before realizing what was going on. He then jumped onto Inuyasha and Kagome to be part of the hug.  
  
*What a little fool that girl is...* Kikyo mused from her post, turning to look at the happy little group. *Inuyasha belongs to me. His life and his love are mine and, soon, he will join me in hell. The fact that she thinks she can convince him to leave me – that she could rekindle his will to live so much that he will refuse to come to hell with me – is laughable.* Kikyo chuckled softly to herself and turned her gaze back to the horizon, pondering when would be best for her to reclaim Inuyasha.  
  
Inuyasha and Kagome slowly and reluctantly broke the hug, knowing that if they hung on for too long, it would look suspicious and would be even more embarrassing.  
  
Looking at the two, Sango sighed and thought *If Miroku would only stop being such a pervert...I know he's got a good heart...* Just then, she felt something crawling up her behind. Before she met Inuyasha and friends, her first instinct would have been *spider!*, but now she knew exactly what it was. "Hentai!!!" She screamed and gave Miroku a piece of her mind. That is, a piece of her mind that left a huge, red, painful-looking hand print on his cheek, as he just sat there with a goofy grin on his face. *Sigh. But I guess that'll never happen...*  
  
Inuyasha looked into Kagome's eyes and quickly gave her a weak smile, then made an attempt to sit up. Kagome, noting the trouble he was having with his injuries, place a hand on his back and assisted in propping him up. "Are you okay, Inuyasha?" She asked with concern in her voice.  
  
"Yeah. Uh, thanks," he added, reluctant to admit that he had needed help doing something as simple as sitting up. *I don't care if I am injured!* He thought stubbornly. *I'm part demon. I shouldn't need the help of a human girl. Even if I do have feelings for... No! No, I love Kikyo! It's partly my fault she died and I will go with her to the underworld after I have said my farewells...But, Kagome...* As a war was waging in Inuyasha's heart and in his mind, a pained look marred his face. Kagome noticed, but assumed it was from the injuries and decided not to pursue it.  
  
Inuyasha turned his head, with some difficulty, to take a look at the setting he was in. That's when he caught a glimpse of Kikyo, who, feeling his gaze on her back, turned slightly to meet his eyes with his. As it does so often in the anime show, the breeze kicked up at just the right moment, and, combined with the sunset, cast Kikyo in a very flattering light. At this, Inuyasha gasped. *She – She's so beautiful*  
  
When Kagome realized Inuyasha was staring at Kikyo with stars in his eyes, her heart suddenly felt heavy and it was as if a dark cloud had just come to rain on her "Inuyasha's alive!" parade. Feeling her eyes burning with tears, she stood up with inhuman speed and, without a word, stomped in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, she didn't really know where she was going, but anywhere was better...better than the imminent heartbreak in the direction from which she had come. In anger, she thought aloud to herself as she moved further and further away from her friends. "How could he?! After all I've done for him and all that we've been through... Kikyo tried to KILL HIM!!! SHE TRIED TO KILL ME!!! He said he loved me, but I saw the look he was giving her. Those big, loving puppy eyes...Oh, Kami-sama, how I wish he would look at me like that! But no, not while she's around, he won't, because I'm nothing but her reincarnation – a copy that didn't come out quite as good as the original." Kagome kept walking and talking, her now fiery eyes practically burning a hole in the ground.  
  
Behind her, the gang stared in confusion. "Um, what just happened?" Sango asked.  
  
Miroku thought for a moment, looked at Inuyasha, looked at Kikyo, then looked back at Inuyasha and nodded in understanding. "Inuyasha...I don't suppose you were...daydreaming about Kikyo again, were you?"  
  
Inuyasha, who was now sitting cross-legged and slouching, looked at the ground with his patented frustrated look. "Not daydreaming so much as...looking..." he mumbled.  
  
"Inuyasha! You're so stupid!!!" Shippo whined. "Why do you keep doing that to Kagome???" He slapped Inuyasha in the back of the head, which turned out to be a very unwise move; Inuyasha hit him back, ten times as hard. "Ow!!! Sango, Miroku, Kagome-chan is going to come back, right?" He directed his query to the monk and the exterminator, with fear and sorrow in his big, innocent eyes.  
  
Sango scooped him into her arms and tried to comfort him, "Of course Shippo," but she wasn't really sure herself. What if Inuyasha had gone too far this time? What if that was the straw that broke the camel's back? *I don't want to lose Kagome, but I can definitely understand her point of view if she decides that enough's enough and that she doesn't want to return to Inuyasha....he'd probably only hurt her again. What a jerk! And as for Kikyo...* She cursed Kikyo internally and shot the undead miko a death glare that went unnoticed by anyone but Miroku, who silently agreed.  
  
Will Kagome return, or will she leave her friends to try to find someone who will appreciate her more?  
  
I would greatly appreciate input on whether this should be an Inu/Kag fic or a Sess/Kag fic because I have ideas for both. Sess/Kag would probably end up being more chapters though...(so if you think I suck and you don't want to read a whole lot of crap from me, I would recommend voting for that, lol, j/k)  
  
PLEASE READ & REVIEW!!! THANKS LOADS! 


	2. Confusion

BACKGROUND: Read the 1st chapter.  
  
SETTING: As you enter upon this, the second, chapter, it is early morning (about 2 or 3'o'clock a.m.) in a fairly small clearing in one of the random dark forests found scattered about the Inuyasha universe. The only things that are visible are the faint outlines of the treetops and a smoldering pile of logs burning in the middle of the clearing, which used to be a weak fire, lit by Kagome in a desperate attempt to feel some warmth. Also, one would be able to faintly make out the outline of Kagome, who is not only feeling physically cold and drained, but emotionally as well, dozing lightly in a red sleeping bag on the short grass about two yards from the fire. Her yellow backpack, appearing a strange gray color in the enveloping darkness, lays inches from her head, and her bow and quiver of arrows are held loosely in one hand. She had been wandering for about two or three hours before coming upon a shallow river, washing herself and her clothes in it, then settling down for the night.  
  
Disclaimer: As you are all aware of, the wonderful and brilliant Rumiko Takahashi retains all rights to the "InuYasha" characters. I own none of them (though Fluffy resides in my heart...) and do not wish to be sued, nor would it be beneficial to anyone to sue me, for I haven't any money.  
  
"What a night..." Kagome said to herself as she rolled onto her back and brought the back of her hand to rest on her forehead. As she stared up at the sleek black sky, littered with small glowing orbs, she thought out loud, "I know I need rest, but...but...this is just unbearable! Every time I close my eyes, he's there. I can't stand dreaming of him – reliving all of these memories before I have time to sort out what just happened!" Positive that she would not be getting any more sleep that night, Kagome closed her eyes and let out a frustrated groan as she slowly brought herself to a sitting position and stared at the ground inches from the foot of her sleeping bag. In an attempt to get into lighter spirits, she tried changing the subject on her mind, "Wow, I'm really hungry." She laughed nervously and added, "I guess going without dinner'll do that to ya'," before reaching behind her and pulling out a graham cracker from her pack to munch on.  
  
"Woo, it's cold!" Kagome shoved the rest of the cracker into her mouth, rubbed her hands free of crumbs, and reluctantly pulled out of her sleeping bag to rekindle the fire. As she crouched there poking the embers with a stick, her mind wandered back to the Inuyasha situation. *I can't believe he would choose Kikyo! I mean, sure, he didn't actually say that he chose her, but I saw the look in his eyes! It's the same look I probably have when I look at him...* Kagome set the stick down and plopped down on the ground in front of the slowly growing fire, hugging her knees to her chest. *How could you do this to me, Inuyasha? Don't you remember? There were so many times that I stuck up for you, so many times that I cared for you when no one else did. And now – now that Naraku is gone and we finally could have been together...now that I need you most, you...and her...* "Oh, Inuyasha!" She cried in dismay before burying her head in her knees and crying herself to sleep.  
  
"Inuyasha!!!! We have to go look for Kagome!" Shippo yelled in the half- demon's fuzzy ear.  
  
"Feh! She left of her own free will! We're better off without that stupid girl hanging around us all the time, anyway," Inuyasha responded indifferently and waved his right hand in a dismissive manner. Then a dreamy look came over his face and he added, with much less of an edge to his voice, "Besides...we've got Kikyo here. She can see the jewel shards and she's a lot stronger than Kagome could ever hope to be!"  
  
"Ugh! You stupid jerk! How can you say that?" Shippo retorted, receiving a harsh smack on the back of the head, which sent him flying to the other end of Kaede's hut.  
  
"Yeah, that's right, you heard me. Having Kikyo here is loads better than having Kagome always whining that her 'clothes got bloody'! No more having to save her from Sesshomaru or whatever other demon decides to attack her, no more constantly stopping to rest every two hours or having to carry her on my back, and, best of all, NO MORE 'SIT'!" Inuyasha put his hands behind his head, closed his eyes thoughtfully, and smiled. *Aaaahh...life without Kagome will be good...* Sure, he hadn't been sure about his choice at first, but now he was. Or so he thought before Miroku brought him back to reality.  
  
"And no more long walks through the forest with just the two of you, no more soft, tender loving care for the injuries you're so prone to, no one to bring you back to your senses when you transform. No more defending and comforting you when you get really down on yourself, no more loving and crying for you and accepting the fact that you're half demon, which Kikyo, by the way, didn't do, no more..."  
  
"OKAY! Geesh, I get it. But none of you understand. Kagome's always doing this to me, to us! She'll go crying to her mommy in the future and make me feel all guilty just because she got a little mad!"  
  
It was Sango's turn to cut in, "Actually, Inuyasha, we do understand a whole lot better than you think! Kagome has every excuse to get mad and make you feel guilty! You've told her so many times to 'stay with you', and she has, though why, I can't quite see! She's taken more than her share of abuse from you, but instead of getting pissed off and killing you with her arrows, the most Kagome ever does is 'sit' you, which you recover quickly from and we all know it doesn't leave any lasting injuries!" By that point, Sango, in her anger, had stood up and was standing over Inuyasha (who was looking shocked at hearing Sango say 'pissed'), fists clenched, looking like steam should be coming from her ears. Unfortunately, Miroku happened to be sitting across from Inuyasha...so if Sango's face was to Inuyasha...  
  
"HENTAI!!!" She shouted and whirled around to slap Miroku, whose face, once again, took on that goofy look of "it was worth it". With that, she stomped out of the hut looking very harassed. For what seemed like hours but was really only a few minutes, Miroku and Inuyasha sat in an uncomfortable silence (Shippo was in the corner pouting) until Miroku decided to follow Sango out of the hut. This left poor Shippo alone with the angry dog.  
  
"What are you looking at?!"  
  
"EEP! Please don't hurt me!"  
  
The monk found the demon exterminator sitting by the river in her kimono- and-skirt combination, staring at the reflection of the sunset off the water. He stood by a tree behind her, knowing there was no need to announce his presence; with her trained senses, she should easily be able to recognize that he was there.  
  
He was right. After a brief silence, Sango's quiet voice reached his ears, sounding scared and unsure, "She will come back, right? Kagome is my best friend..."  
  
That was Miroku's cue to slowly approach and sit next to her on the riverbank. "Of course. After all, she always has."  
  
"Yes, but...this time...it feels different..."  
  
"Don't worry. You know how Kagome is. She wouldn't leave any of us without at least a goodbye. You and I are her friends, Shippo looks to her as a mother figure, and Inuyasha..." He let his sentence trail off. "Well, you know how that is," he chuckled.  
  
Sango turned her head to look at the young man to the right of her *Despite all his clowning around, he's so kind-hearted.* "Thanks, Miroku." She blushed slightly and smiled.  
  
"You're welcome, Sa-"he gasped in surprise. She had scooted closer to him and was now resting her head on his shoulder, with her hand on his arm. *Now this is new...and it's a nice improvement from 'hentai'!* He put his right hand on the back of her head to stroke her hair, and like that they stayed for quite a while.  
  
"Ack! HENTAI!"  
  
"I just couldn't resist," a twitching Miroku sighed from his spot sprawled on the ground.  
  
Sango just shook her head and sighed sadly as she rose to return to the cabin. *When will he learn?*  
  
Kikyo watched from her spot in the expansive field of wild flowers and herbs. *What ridiculous fools...Unfortunately, those ridiculous fools are all standing between my goal and me: Inuyasha. Every time he starts to forget that nonsensical little girl, they try to convince him that he still needs her.* She bent to examine an herb, then picked it, twirled it in her fingers inches from her face, and set it with utmost care into her basket. *I do believe I'll have to do something soon about these friends of his. But I can't kill them myself – he will become angry and retaliate against me, and then I'll never get what I want. However, that doesn't mean they can't be killed by someone else...perhaps an old friend of mine...*  
  
A/N: To those who reviewed my first chapter: thank you SOOOO much!!! This is my first fic and I was afraid no one would like it. I tried to put a little Mir/San in there, hope you liked it. As requested, this will be an Inu/Kag fic (hahaha, Sesshy-chan is mine, all mine I tell you! *cough*), and I will try to put more of Kagome in chapter 3. Sorry about the run-on sentences...that's just me having too many ideas. Please REVIEW!  
  
-It seems I've been hit with a sudden wave of creativity, for I am concurrently working on an original fiction story, the ideas for which have been swimming around my head for weeks if not months. It's an angst-filled shounen-ai (very sweet though – not lemon, just true love and loss) about two demons. One of the demons was killed a long time ago and the other one has been cold and alone ever since. When the living one has the chance to go back in time to see his love, will he be able to prevent his beloved from returning his feelings in order to save his life, or will he succumb to the loneliness and have to watch the death again? Kind of confusing, I know, but I think the story is pretty well written (less run-on sentences than this one, lol) and I personally like it.  
  
A big thanks to cody_wyze for explaining to me the difference between yaoi & shounen-ai! 


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